Today’s article is the next in this series on wellness, and marks the midpoint. Thus far we have covered the physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions. We address today the social dimension, and then we will have remaining the intellectual, occupational (vocational), and environmental. The idea of wellness is to pay some attention to all of the dimensions that make up what it means to be human. In order to be healthy and wholly integrated and live life to the full, we need to have some balance in all of these dimensions and make sure that we don’t neglect any of these aspects of self.
I’d like to start with a story from my previous job. One morning I was on a plane heading out into the friendly skies on a business trip and was seated in an aisle seat. In the row of seats directly in front of me was a crying baby boy, perhaps around six months old. I could not see the child very well, but he was seated on his mother’s lap and she was struggling to calm him. All of this crying actually did not bother me very much, since my wife and I had raised four children. In the aisle seat on the other side one row up, was another mother. This mother had a toddler in her lap who was about 18 months old and they were reading a book together. These two mothers just happened to be sitting across the aisle from each other and were strangers. When the crying started, I observed the little girl on the other side taking careful interest. This toddler was watching and seemed to be very concerned about what was happening with the baby boy, looking up from her book several times. Suddenly the girl took the book from her mother’s hands, and leaned across the aisle to try to hand over the book to the other mother, calling out “baby? baby?” This young girl was trying to relieve suffering of a fellow little person by sharing something. This scene caused me to stop the work I was doing on my laptop, and just appreciate the beauty of it in quiet amazement. It was rather remarkable.
We know that human beings are created to naturally have an interest in others because our God is a social being and we are made in God’s image. The above example illustrates that this connection begins at a very early age. Researchers in the 1940s and 50s found that newborn baby orphans that lay alone in beds not held by a human were stunted in their intellectual development and sometimes even got sick and died. More modern day studies show that mothers and fathers actually begin to bond with their unborn children during pregnancy. Our first social environment is the family, and the second is usually the school or daycare. Most of us seek to feel these social connections with others and we are often very sensitive even as children when it doesn’t go as we had hoped. So it is really important to emphasize that this desire for social connection was planted deep within us by our Creator who wants to be in relationship with us. Recall how it is beautifully described in the scripture verse (Psalm 42:2): “As the hind longs for the running waters, so my soul longs for you, O God.”
Communication in human relationships allows us to feel validated or valued. A good friend or parent listens well and can serve as a sort of mirror, letting us know that we are understood and that we are accepted. Just this simple act is a powerful part of our social dimension. In order to do this for each other, we must set aside temporarily our own needs in order to try and recognize and respond to the needs of the other person.
There are so many varieties of social contact: we may have relationships with family, co-workers, neighbors, and friends. Some of these relationships may be casual and superficial, but we may also have a small number of very close, intimate friends. It seems to be helpful for us to have at least one other person with whom we have such deep trust that we can tell him or her anything and everything. The most intimate relationship among humans is commonly in marriage. After this, some of the closest relationships may be in our families. The strength and value of family seems to lie in the health of the relationships there.
Trust really is a huge issue in relationships. We have all had the experience of having our trust betrayed. It may make us feel for a while that we don’t want to or will not trust again. We may have to go through a process of forgiveness: forgiving the other person and sometimes even forgiving ourselves. Usually it takes time to get to know someone before we may decide if we can trust that person or not.
Some sociologists are concerned about the extent of our social difficulties. Our secular American culture often suggests that we should not trust others, and that we should just tough it out on our own, that being independent is a sign of strength. You may have heard people describe the feeling of being alone in a room full of strangers. Recent trends among younger folks seem to show a preference for superficial and instant communication at any time day or night via social media. Some kids and young adults can get lost in video games for hours on end in their rooms alone with the door closed. Teachers and employers lament the lack of eye contact from the younger generation. There are other signs that social media are having a negative impact on social development. Technology offers great promise in bringing the world together, but it also has its negative aspects.
One of the important aspects of the social dimension is what it means for our self. In order to effectively reach out and connect to another person, we must be able to put our own self aside temporarily. When the good Samaritan stopped to help his neighbor in need, he put his own journey on hold for a short time. This is central to the Gospel message and at the core of the Good News (Jesus giving His life for us, so that we may live). If we listen to a friend who is hurting, we place our own needs aside to be supportive. One of the reasons that peer support groups work is because people come together for each other. These small communities really should not be called “self-help” groups because those who participate are their not only for self, but for others.
In each article in this series, we try to consider how one dimension may interact with others. For instance, it seems pretty clear that the emotional or psychological dimension can impact the social dimension. For example, one of the signs of depression is social withdrawal. Anxiety also can certainly get in the way of social interaction. Anger management issues can create problems in relationships for both children and adults. We are generally more happy and satisfied when socially connected.
The mingling of the social and vocational dimensions is strong. Aside from earning an income, one’s vocation or work can provide great value because it puts us in contact with others. Many of us enjoy our jobs because of the good relationships we have there at work…or conversely we may hate our jobs because of the problems and conflicts among co-workers. Sometimes one of the reasons that we may serve as a volunteer is because it puts us in contact with others who have the same spirit or interest in the organization or mission.
Some people enjoy their physical exercise solo. However many find it much more enjoyable when workouts or recreation involves others. We could do our Zumba at home, but it’s probably more fun in a class with other people. We could play a round of golf alone, but we typically look for two or three other friends or family members to go out with us. Having a workout partner can increase our motivation for exercise.
Let’s stay on the interaction between the physical and social dimensions for a moment. There was an interesting research study done by Sheldon Cohen and others in the 1990s in which 276 adult volunteers were given the common cold virus. The study followed these people to see who got sick. They found that those who were more socially isolated had a significantly higher rate of becoming ill than those who were socially connected.
What about the intersection of social and spiritual dimensions? One of the key aspects of the Christian faith is the unity of the church. We not only have a personal relationship with Jesus, but we follow him as a community of believers. While it is good to be able to be alone with God in our spiritual life, some of our deepest faith experiences may come in communal worship and fellowship. Ideally, being in community is an advantage through mutual support, protection, and encouragement. There should be no place more socially inviting and loving than the church, yet some congregations struggle to find this unity. Jesus encourages us to put our own self aside in order to be of service to others. For many of us, it is a great relief to know that we don’t have to take on life as an individual, to do it alone.
These are just a few examples of the interactions of the social dimension with other dimensions. The next article in this series will focus on the intellectual aspect of wellness.